Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
