I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
