if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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