i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
