I hate your face
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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