Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
