p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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