can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
