I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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