he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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