1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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