I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
