Pants 0. Shit 1.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
