So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
