Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
