I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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