I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
