Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
