peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just cut my nipple shaving
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
