so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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