His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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