FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
