I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
