I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Will exercising make me less horny?
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