I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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