I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
