If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
