I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
