Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
