last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
