i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
