thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
