whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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