I won't be sarcastic... just naked
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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