Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
