What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just found puke in my bra..
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
