Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
