you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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