Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
