Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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