He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
