I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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