Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize