you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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