I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
