i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
