Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
