We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
