wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
