These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
