I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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