i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
