Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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