Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm too high and old for this...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
