You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
