I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
