I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
