You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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