In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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