You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
