You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
God I need to hump something, right now.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
