So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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