I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
