so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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