You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
