now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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