I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
