I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
