my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
what day is it and did you see me today?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
