My brain says no but my pants say off.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
